The Irony of Anorexia

I started writing the following piece many years ago, as a teenager completely ensnared in the claws of anorexia. Back then, I was so entrenched in the eating disorder that I delighted in every part of it. I felt proud of each skipped meal, celebrated every lost pound and embraced the loss of my body’s functions. Years later, as I work hard to protect my recovery, I'm finally able to admit that I may have believed I was gaining by restricting, but ironically, I was losing so much more.

The Irony of Anorexia

Indulging in deprivation, 

satiated by hunger

and sustained by malnourishment. 

growling gut elicits prideful grins, 

shrinking stomach grows the commitment 

and physical weakness signals emotional strength. 

broken down body builds up a victorious spirit, 

pallid skin causes vibrant cheer,

and shaking hands steady resolve.

freezing body lights a fire beneath,

lost periods birth newfound determination

and subtracted calories add happiness.

Until self restraint turns out of control,

abject loneliness is felt in a crowd 

and an empty heart follows every full meal. 

in the imperfect attempt to acquire perfection, 

gains turn to losses, losses to gains

and restriction, once difficult to begin, becomes impossible to end.